Posted by: jeanne | July 8, 2014


i just had the strangest dream.  normally i don’t remember my dreams, but when i do realize i’ve had a significant dream, i tend to repeat it while i’m still asleep, reviewing it so i won’t forget it.  then mostly i forget it anyway.  but this time i repeated it and got better at doing it the second time.

in my 20s i had innumerable catastrophe dreams, where the world was ending due to whatever cause (alien invasion, war, plague) and i was left to lead the survivors out.  they happened over and over again, very intense.  the usual explanation was that i was under a lot of stress, and so i was, and my dreams reflected my struggle to survive in my situation.  however, i’m not sure if that was the correct explanation.  it felt to me like a rehearsal for life, and since i don’t have these kinds of dreams anymore (because i don’t remember my dreams, and what i do remember is always just ‘a lot of people going around doing a lot of things’.


i was coming home at night.  it was a place i’ve had lots of dreams in,  like the neighbrhood where i grew up, but different.  anyway, it wasn’t the house i’m in now.  it was night, and at the end of the street were tall mountains, sort of like this icelandic landscape i’m in now.  but different.  across these mountains were playing ghostly lights.  lights coming from within the mountain, lights like fog drifting across the mountain, lighting up the crevices and folds of the mountian.  i walked backward down the street to see them.  they were fascinating.  pale lights, almost LED colored, you know, kind of bluish.  there were others in the street with me, and when i got home i ran upstairs to get jim out of bed so he could come see.  i dragged him out to the front lawn, but by the time i got there, deep police blue lights were flashing on us from above, and all sorts of government people were coming at us from helicopters and from vehicles that drew up and stopped in front of us.  they started rounding us up.  but they only wanted those who had seen the lights.  they weren’t interested in jim when they saw he’d been inside and i’d made him come out.  (he was naked, btw).

they told us it was for our own good, and that we’d probably been exposed to radiation and had to be examined.  and hustled us into the vehicles and to some facility, or guarded compound, and took us off the vehicles.  there they were processing everyone in, grabbing them and giving them some kind of injection in the arm.

i resisted this.  i was deeply suspicious of ‘for our own good’, and seeing the hypo did it for me.  i resisted, grabbed the hand with the syringe and forced it away from myself and toward the guy administering it.  i injected him, and he fell away, and after that i was twisting out of anybody’s grasp and motivating the others to do the same.  it wasn’t as if we were superhumanly fast or anything, but the government people were slow, and hesitant, and we were scared.  i figured they were going to study us, dissect us, test us, and i didn’t want to be a lab experiment.

there followed a lot of twisting away from various individual government people who tried to stop us.  i and a small group of fellow detainees were trying to get out of the compound, going from room to room looking for an exit.  we kept encountering government people who tried to restrain them.

at some point it became clear that we could touch them with our saliva and that would stop them.  i would put a dab of spit on my hand and touch one of them, and they would go unconscious, or be stunned and fall away from their attack.  so i told the others, and we then went around trying to touch the government people.  it became a dance of sorts, struggling into and out of the arms of some lumbering uniformed guy and wiping spit on his clothes, not even his skin, just his clothes.

nowhere did it occur to me that i might be infected, that this operation might be for my own good or the good of the populace at large.  it was always a fight for my life and the safety of the others who were being held with me.

and we were winning.  our captors were going down like dying flies.  we were still looking for the exit, however, when i woke up.

then i had the dream again, rehearsing it like i do so that maybe i’ll remember it. this time i was less hesitant, more decisive, quicker to act.  it was like a virginia reel, dodging in and out of the line of government people, surprising them around doors, plunging in to situations where they were about to jab someone else with their needles or restrain one of us.  it was more like a video game you’ve played before, and are seeing if you can beat your own time.

so there’s my dream.  it’s amazingly rich and full of drama.  but no panic, no fear.  just a level headed determination to beat whatever system it was in place to subdue me and make me either ordinary again or kill me.

the hell with being ordinary.  i’m an artist.


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